Valentine's Day: Whether you love it or just love to hate it, you will laugh out loud at what two local comedians had to say when we asked them to riff on the topic of romance.

She says...
I don't normally complain about it, but no matter who you are, dating sucks. Who am I to tell you this? For starters, I've been left at the altar, and I've been given up for Lent. (No, I'm not bitter.) I've had my share of great Valentine's Day celebrations, but I also spent one memorable V-Day stripping to "Lonesome Loser" at some club in Texas. Go figure.

This year won't tip the scale on greatness either. My boyfriend of two-an-a-half years and I broke it off on New Year's. There's only one way I can think of to salvage this day: I'm pawning the diamonds he bought me for my birthday and buying myself something that comes in a little blue box. Because I can. Because there ain't no half way when you're dealing with a fat man in a diaper. (Of course I mean Cupid—not my ex!)

-Tracie Jayne was named the 2006 Emerging Comic of the Year at the New York Underground Comedy Festival.

He says...
Last October I separated from my girlfriend of six years, amicably. The day after I moved out, my aunt Jan called to say that my Christmas gift was on the way. (Her job is making quilts that feature images of dead dogs for their grieving owners.) When the package arrived, I opened it to find a quilted replica of me and my ex back in happier years staring me in the face. It seems that everything my aunt quilts is already dead—dogs, relationships, what have you. I'm just praying she doesn't have a quilt with an image of my career emblazoned in the center stowed away somewhere.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I'll be celebrating with a box of chocolate tears and a bouquet of irony. You?

-Sean Crespo is a staff writer at drinkatwork.com. You can read more about him in The Comedians magazine.

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Similar Topics:Comedy, Valentine's Day

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